From The Tally Book - Singapore

Singapore.

This, without a doubt, is the golden child of the Southeast Asia community.

Consider the following table I found on www.news.com.au this week.

The very fact that this city-state finds itself in the top 10 most expensive cities in the world (and has a dollar value which is very close to parity with the raging bull that is the AUD) is, at least to me, nothing short of a miracle.

To help you understand my amazement, reflect back on your last trip to Bali (for those of you who aren’t from Perth and don’t dream of the ultimate vacation that is a two week junket to Kuta… just think cheap booze and food, more scooters then New Zealand has sheep and a sea of hawkers trying to sell you the latest knock-off product that they have just snuck out of the back of some factory in China). 

Singapore has none of that.

Dead set – you can cross a footpath without fear of getting mowed down by a local on a bike who has one eye (and hand) on the rather large basket of goods strapped to the back and the other eye (and hand) on the two year old sitting on his lap steering.

So whilst I was there I set out to try and discover what it was that lead to this incredible feat of the modern world….

And what did I find?

Regulation

You can’t cross a footpath

There is not eating, smoking, carrying things that are potentially flammable and there is definitely no place for fruit that smells like arse (durian)

Motorbikes are a no-no and if you own a bike – make sure you push it.

If you think you can replace the two wheels for four – think again.

The fish are meant for eating not feeding

You pretty much can’t do anything on the escalators...

 

...and if you are disabled, with child or hauling luggage – sorry you will have to battle with the stairs

And if you happen to forget a rule... well there is no shortage of negative reinforcement!

 

But as the saying goes –  you can take the girl (or guy) out of the trailer park but you can’t take the trailer park out of the girl (or guy).

And right here in Singapore this certainly rings true. 

Despite the rules (and the rather high cost of living) there remains that subtle nuance of Southeast Asian charm that makes me look forward to one day coming back. Because there, in the midst of all the structure and order… I can still wandering the street with beer in hand and stumble across things that make me stop, shake my head and smile…

So I would like to propose a toast… to the Singapore government... for being so focused on the detail that they forgot that sometimes it pays to take a step back... and look at the bigger picture (if this joke is wasted on you then it is probably a good thing and I will need you to get your mum’s permission before I explain)…

That’s it… see you-lah…

From The Tally Book – Just a Few Ways To Fill a Long Weekend

One of the perks of my new job is the work life balance…

·         5 weeks annual leave

·         Half day Fridays

·         Paid public holidays

The last one is awesome.

In a culture where there are three distinct cultural groups – Malay, Chinese, Indian… plus the add bonus of appeasing us whities (the Melbourne Cup is did not make the cut)… the total number for the whole Malaysia region is 41.

Unfortunately for me that only equates to 15 days extra I get off this year (certain holidays only valid in certain states and a holiday falling on Saturday are not replaced on a Monday).

Still… it eclipses the 10 back in Perth so I won’t complain.

So what to do with all that time? Here’s a few ideas

Friday – Drive across a country…

I finished work as per usual at 12noon. Another hard week – 3 and a half days. Significantly more than the 2 and a half days the week before, and the 2 and a half days that was to come. Still I was not going to let fatigue hold me back. A promising weekend of beach and snorkeling lay ahead… well so I thought.

Some important background info. I am Dutch. Exploring is in my blood. Particularly the region that is South East Asia. I have read all about what the V.O.C once did. They came, they saw and they conquered. I thought it necessary to honour such a legacy. Unfortunately for me I was soundly defeated, lasting only a night and returning home, tail between legs.

Let me let you – it was a long way to go to find some tasty “Supreme Pork” (which was really incredible) and a sea breeze to match the 40 knots of Geraldton. We landed in Malaysia’s ‘Quran belt’, in the middle of monsoon season, with no pubs and a nightlife that consisted of driving to the foreshore for a fanta and (halal) fish balls on a stick.

Here is a lesson for all of us –read the lonely planet travel guide.

The trip wasn’t all for waste… we did drive the across the Malaysian Peninsular and touch the South China Sea. Tick and Tick.

Saturday – Enjoy a night on the town…

Following the 6.5hr return leg we needed some excitement. What better way heading out to the popular night strip of Changkat Bukit Bintang.

Initial plans – have a ‘beer tower’… head to Jalan Alor for a feed… probably come home with Ruth and tuck her into bed then go out to Ministry of South for a dance with ZJ (side note – in case you hadn’t realised the ‘we’ was myself, Ruth and my bro Zac)

What actually happened – randomly run into some of Ruth’s friends from the “Association of British Woman”… drink Moet and Kilkenny… share Zac’s exploits as a ‘semi’ famous rock star at home… encourage Zac to ‘sing along with the band’… have a dance… shared a unique cultural experience that is drinks on the streets of South East Asia… eat a burger… head home.

We were all very grateful of our decision to bail on Kuala Terengganu.

 Sunday – Do something manly…

I confess. There are times when the inner child in me needs to be satiated. And the voice had been crying out for some time. Months in fact. Back to the time when Ruth and I were at these very cool antique markets and I saw a guy walking around, full S.W.A.T suit (hardened plastic face mask included), with bb gun in hand. I needed one.

Problem being is that if I bought one then, I knew that it would only be so long before I tired of shooting targets and would want to shot someone… it doesn’t take a genius to realise the wife is NOT that someone… however the little boy inside if often NOT a genius. In fact he can be rather dull witted and slow, believing the repercussions are worth the course of action.

Thankfully Zac arrived. And with an unexpected weekend in KL what better thing then to go around, inflicting pain on each other (top of the foot, point blank takes the cake).

Monday – Do something fun…

A trip to park average… Sunway Lagoon. A day wasted is enough. I won’t waste your time reading a description of it. I love theme parks… and this one does not deserve such a title.

That is all.

Tuesday – Experience culture…

Let me paint the scene:

• Imagine me on your shoulders (I weigh 80kg’s and change)… walking up a few thousand stairs... on a forty degree day with humidity topping 80%.
• Add a million people shoulder to shoulder with a general hygiene standard which would consist of a once a week shower (I do not exaggerate).
• Throw in all the colour and noise of Bollywood .
• Put a 10mm metal skewer through both your cheeks and individually hang 20kg’s of oranges on your back with fish hooks.

 Welcome to Thaipusam.

In a nut shell Thaipisam is is a Hindu festival celebrated mostly by the Tamil community and the Batu Caves of Malaysia is its Mecca. For those who might like to read more - Wikipedia is the place to go. My insights are those of an uneducated whitey.

Surprisingly this was one cultural experience that I was happy to experience on the sidelines.

I took pictures… they are graphic so viewer discretion is recommended. For those whose visual tolerance does not include men suspended in the air with hooks through each limb a very inadequate summary of what was witnessed includes:

• Massive commercialization of what is to some (evidently) an extremely sacred day (look out for the pink elephant and ‘Hotlink’ sponsorship in the pictures below)
• 100’s of tents offering food, a vast array of idols, electronic goods, pots, pans and CD’s of locally recorded Punjabi hip-hop
• A portable theme park next to a throng of worshippers shouting “AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!” in support of the unlucky few who have been selected to carry the burden of the masses to as a  penance to a god
• The danger of trying to funnel a few thousand people through a single gate onto a limited capacity train

 For me personally... next to actually being there pictures do the event more justice then my words:

(...the following content may be a little too much for some viewers...)

and that.... was our weekend.

see you-lah!

From The Tally Book - 10 Ringgit Challenge

So here's the deal... I feel my choice in dining establishments has potentially been misrepresented... that with the 'hawker food' tag comes the mystery that you aren't really sure whether the 'beef' is actually beef or that stray dog from down the road that you don't see around anymore.

I want to change that image. Welcome to the 10RM challenge. The rules are simply - I leave the office with a 10 ringgit note in the pocket and see exactly what culinary delights I can get for my lunch.

Now to put in perspective 10RM is equal to about $3 Aussie and change. Really not a lot. In Perth that might get you the following:

• A really bad coffee
• A cheese burger
• Three Ikea hotdogs (6 on Saturdays - nearly unbeatable value)
• A vegemite scroll for the baked section in Woolies
• A discounted servo pie that has been sitting in the warmer for the better part of a 12hr shift

You get the drift.

Compare this to what I found

Day 1

Location: NZ Cafe

This is what is available 2 minutes walk from the desk. One of the cleaner 'hawker' spots you will find. Comes with all the perks. A roof, a concrete floors, void of stray cats AND the water mist style fan to keep you cool. What more could you ask for!

 

It is wonderful to get away from the towers - you can become a bit 'mallified'. So I went for some fresh air and exercise. It is a  bustling place (ok so this describes most local lunch spots in asia) with either a menu selection or buffet. I went with something off the menu option - a safer bet at the start of the week, a tried and tested (all be it not here) Tandoori chicken and with a side of naan. As a surprise bonus you get a side of season vegetables, dahl, and a green dipping sauce for the chicken.

 This was simply delightful!

Total spend - 9.50RM (~$2.95AUD)

Day 2

Location: Restoran Zhing Kong.

I had to do it. I was in Chinatown. 

On a trip to the post office I was heading back to the towers when from my vantage point that was the elevated train platform i saw this corner store... 

There was one thought - I only live once.

Besides food would have to be cheap and Chinese places like these hard to find around the towers.

I will confessed - there was doubt. Places which house a family of rats in the alley next to the kitchen are a little risky, particularly so early in the week!

Choices range from beef noodle (soup), chicken rice, various curry's and of course dim sum. Now at this point I will add that for a whitey in a place like this ordering a meal is a little confusing. Although it looks like a singular 'restaurant', in reality it is a collection of street vendors with their own carts, tills and menus... I clicked on to this fact after sitting at a table for the better part of 5 minutes waiting for the non-existent waiter with the laminated piece of A4 paper which I can't actually read or understand anyway.

I went the noodle. Sounded good. Tasted ok. Broth - fantastic! However I chose to avoid the testicle looking balls which they came with (lesson from Thailand)

Also had a pork dim sum. I rate them. Used to be a brekky regular when I had access to the hotel buffet. Plus I am in a Muslim state so I figure get pork where and when I can.

All up - soup: 5.50 and dim sum: 1.50 for a grand total of 7RM (~$2.15AUD)

Day 3

Location: Little Wok

Not all cheap food locations are in 'exotic, off the beaten track' locations in an open air environment made complete by their very own set of pet cats.

No you can find cheap and cheerful right in the heart of one of KL's main attractions - the mall.

Most likely here to feed the people working in the stores rather then the people visiting them (and spending a fortune).

These places seem much cleaner, are air conditioned BUT I must warn you - they are certainly NOT for the faint hearted! This place gets crazy at lunch. So busy you end up sharing a small 4 seat table with 3 other randoms. Its about as awkward as it sounds. Particularly if you are white, don't speak any of the local dialect and gatecrash what was likely a couple on their first date.

I have learnt my lesson and now eat at 2pm, reducing the random count to 1.

Food - Exceptional. I generally only eat at Little Wok. Simply cause the menu is massive, portions more then substantial and I haven't picked a bad dish yet.

My buy - Szechuan fried rice

Total spend - 6.90RM (~$2.15AUD)

Ps you will note my choice of two chili add-ins. Delicious but a mistake. Recommend keeping it to 1.

Day 4

Location: The Office

Ok so I will confess. I took a little side step in my challenge… BUT I didn’t break the only rule.

Now for those who know me at all I find it very hard to give up a free meal. So when a few plates of sandwiches, croissants, muffins and token fruit gets dropped literally outside my office door I am hardly going to say no…. for the sake of the challenge I was tempted. 

But free is certainly less then 10RM… PLUS it gave me the opportunity to highlight one of the many facets of my new job that I love. A free lunch is never far away. Be it vendors, bosses, a lunch time meeting... food gets piled on. It is actually getting a little out of hand. 

It started off with egg and 'bacon' (turkey not pig - Muslim country) croissants with donuts on a Wednesday mid-morning. Then egg and sausage muffins where added in on Thursdays. Those muffins were quickly upgraded to more baked delights and starbucks. Now my boss and I are scheming to see if we can get each of our vendors to bring in something to cover every day of the week. Haven't got there yet but last Friday (on the same desk as the food above) there suddenly appeared chocolate, chips, and about four containers with various varieties of nut mixes. 

So now I have a new hobby to keep me entertained... watching the waning self-control self-control of the 50+yo plus engineers.

Total spend - 0RM (~$0AUD)

Day 5 

Location: Side of the road.

My failure to eat anything Malaysian was the primary driver behind today's choice. 

I will confess, i tend to steer clear of Malaysia cuisine for a couple of reasons: the seemingly high popularity of fish and the fact that local hawker places don't really cater well for an ignorant whitey as there is a distinct lack of English on the menu. 

It's a combination that has the potential to go terribly wrong. 

The secondary driver was that I had yet to go street side... Literally...

You know the whole "fold out table with make shift shade and home made goods in open plastic containers which are at just the right temperature that you can also see the bacteria having their daily bath" thing...

I knew this meal was going to be something special.

Selections included:

• Something in a snail type shell
• Wilted (aka stirred fried) vegetables
• What appeared to be chicken (or at least some undefinable section of it) in various coloured sauces,
• And of course whole fish, head to tail with sections of the middle missing

So I got rice (figured I couldn't go wrong there). Chicken rendang (have tried before), spicy chicken (the extent of explanation given to me) and a potato paddy with who knows what else in... (Didn't have a choice with the last one - it was the last one in its container and it was thrust upon my rice... probably an end of day special).

 

Verdict - it was good. Chicken was a little tough and if you can get your mind past the flies going from dish to dish it was a tasty meal.

Next time I might just try the fish.... pending how I fair tomorrow!

Total spend - 7RM (~$2.15AUD) and i am fairly sure that I got stung with a considerable  a white man tax!

ok thats it.... see you-lah

From the Tally Book - 10 tips to driving

1. Word to the wise - avoid peak hour.

2. Look left. Look right. Look bike. A lane there or not scooter drivers have an unshakable bravado. They will undertake or overtake - wherever a gap can be found.

3. When merging - if you go, they will stop. As you soon understand, the Malaysian road system is guided by a 'loose' set of rules. This works because unlike the aggression that is Australian drivers, Malaysians are incredibly courteous on the road. So despite the traffic being bumper to bumper. If you start to pull out someone will stop.

4. A premise to the above point - size does matters. And I like to take full advantage of the (comparative) beast that is the hilux.

5. Where there is space... A lane can be made. What works for a scooter also seems to work for a car. This is super practical and something I have readily adopted (much to the 'delight' of my wife). This includes emergency lanes, road shoulders or just straight down the middle of a dual carriage.

6. iPhones fail as a comprehensive navigation device.

7. Carry some extra change for that embarrassing u-turn thru a toll bridge after missing an exit. 

8. Asian car parks are not made for a dual cab hilux. The 10 point turn is an art one must quickly master!

9. On the topic of parking - beware that double park. Similar to the case with driving it seems that if there is space then that means you can park. A wonderful freedom to have with a hilux. Just simply mount the curb and quadruple park across the free scooter bays. Of course there is a downfall to this system... As you can see in the photo... 

Here this 'free space' includes the section of road directly behind your car. What to do if you find yourself in such a predicament? Simply lean on the horn and keep blowing, hoping that the owner is somewhere close by.

10. My personal favourite...

When in doubt - speed... You will receive the same fine regardless of how much you are over. Such a great concept. Fixed priced speeding fines!. So I figure if I am going to get caught (and it will happen cause sign posts are ad hoc at best) it might as well be worth it.

ok thats it.... see you-lah

NB